Lately Gay site

Hmmm. . . . Well, this site, LatelyGay.com, is pretty neat, but I just noticed that it doesn't seem to have been updated since last fall. That's sad. I was thinking, actually, of not doing this blog because I found LatelyGay, but if they're not going to keep it updated then there is definitely a need for something like this.

I hope people who find this blog will tell others. I also encourage people to suggest resources (websites, books, films) that they have found useful for men coming out late in life.

Thanks!

Glad to hear from ya

Glad to hear from a couple of folks out there. Yes, it's quite a shock to realize you're gay late in life. I've tried to figure out why I was such a late bloomer. I came to the conclusion that much of it was due to my confusion of what it is to be gay. That might sound stupid, but hear me out.

For the longest time, I bought into the stereotype that gay men are all very feminine, often being cross dressers and drag queens. I was never attracted to people like that (cf. Sean Hayes in "Will and Grace"), so I thought I was straight. Like a lot of men, I liked to look at sex sites on the Internet (I was attracted to Rubinesque women), and some of their men lovers were burly guys, and this, through the magic of hyperlinking (LOL) eventually got me looking at bears and chubby gay sites. Well, lemme tell ya, wow! I was so turned on like never before. Soon, I met a guy and had my first experience with a guy (kissing, passionate petting). It was wonderful.

For a long time, I was very confused, though, and I tried to continue marital relations. But to get excited I needed Cialis, and, after a while, even that didn't work. I tried going to therapy, but all that did, really, was confirm that I was gay and there was no going back without living a lie. Things at home got more and more tense, as my wife didn't understand. Finally, I broke down and told her. We both cried, and it took many months before we finally separated.

That's where things stand now. More thoughts later. I appreciate the feedback!

Greetings to All

Hello, my name is Kevin. I am starting this blog because I see a need for it. What is it about? It's about men who do not realize until late in life that they are homosexual or bisexual. It's ALSO about men who consider themselves "straight but bi curious," such as men who have been married a long time and have heterosexual relationships but also occasionally have sex with men. OR, if you are straight but have a family member who is gay and you have questions, this is a good place to start.

Most people I know who are gay realize their sexuality sometime during puberty, which is what you'd expect. I, on the other hand, did not come to this realization until I was 40. As you can imagine, this was quite a shock to me. After trying to suppress these urges for about 3 years, I finally told my spouse that I was gay. This was extremely painful, but the right thing to do. We are now separated, but -- thank God -- remain good friends.

Over the past couple of years, I have searched for other men like me who are "late bloomers." I have only found one thus far: a friend in San Diego with whom I often correspond. He was married, too, but came to his realization only after his marriage had ended.

Yes, before you ask, I have been to a therapist. While this was consoling, the experience didn't really teach me anything I didn't know. I have been seeking a group of men in my area to talk to in a secure, safe, nonjudgmental environment, but haven't found one. SO, I am considering forming my own group (this is in the Lansing, Michigan, area, by the way). The purpose of this group is to provide a place where men can talk about their sexuality without being pressured to come out or participate overtly in the gay lifestyle in any way.

I have found that, while many gay men are still in the closet, the phenomenon of married men who are gay is even MORE underground. (Also, to participate in this group, you don't have to be married, but just someone who is, like me, a late bloomer.)

In the meantime, I would dearly love to talk to other guys like me about our experiences, thoughts, and feelings. I hope you will join me here.